11.4.13

Everything Has Changed

{one last pic before I left for the states in 2010}

It is crazy how fast things can change in life. On Monday morning my sister was scheduled to see a new Rheumatologist with the hopes of being diagnosed with RA and what Arianna has been suspecting as Fibromyalgia. She has been living the past 2 years in severe pain, some days barely able to walk or not able to handle the smallest of everyday tasks. The doctor brushed off her joint issues and sent her off to an emergency appointment for what the doctor was thinking could be serious heart problems. We were scared to death obviously, but then relieved (and a bit upset at the doctor!) to find that her heart was perfectly alright! However, after getting several back X-rays done after that, we found out she has a pretty severe case of scoliosis that could possibly need surgery. She also has scar tissue on her lungs from tuberculosis and will most likely need to seek treatment for that as well. It's possible the TB has gone to her bones. On top of all that, she still strongly believes she has a form of arthritis along with fibromyalgia. When it rains. It pours.
{taking a break from working in the garden 2010}

I keep asking myself why. Why her? Why my sweet sister? She doesn't deserve this, she is the kind, gracious one. She has a heart of gold, never speaks out of turn, or acts selfishly. She is a total angel compared to me. I'm the mean one who says things I shouldn't and always got in trouble growing up.  I'm the stubborn one, I'm the headstrong one, I'm the one who has never been perfect or even remotely close to being perfect. If anyone would deserve to live in pain, it's me. I wish so much that it was me instead of her. I'd give anything to take her place. But there is nothing I can do to change what has happened. I hate feeling so helpless, I wish I could jut fix it all. I'm her big sister. I'm supposed to fix things. But I don't know how to fix this.
{prepping for christmas in 2009}

It has been a really crazy week, I never imagine on Monday morning that any of this would happen! Everything just changed so quickly and I'm left in a jumbled mess of confusion. Reality, emotions, guilt, stress, what-if's. I'm drained in every way. I'm just exhausted. I already was expecting my sister to be going to the states this year to visit family for a few weeks, but now her trip will definitely be more long term as she seeks treatment for her spine. I hate the thought of being separated by so many miles. Arianna is not only my sister, she is my closest and best of friends. But I also hate seeing her in so much pain every day, so I'm excited and hopeful about the possibility of her being able to get relief and go back to living somewhat normal again. I'm sorry for the long rambling post, I have a lot on my mind this week. I hope you understand the lack of post this week. I think I just need some time to clear my mind! Please send up a prayer or two for my sister and family. It's been pretty scary and stressful for everyone. Lots of love and wishing you all good health, Arielle



9 comments:

  1. I'll be praying for you all!

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  2. Praying for you girls. It's hard not knowing what will happen next, but we mustn't forget that God is sovereign and He does what He pleases.

    Here's a couple things that might help:
    http://www.ligonier.org/rym/broadcasts/audio/wisdom-through-suffering1/

    Read: Psalm 18

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  3. So sorry to hear about this! I'll be praying for your sister's quick recovery.

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  4. I'll be praying for you both, Arielle!

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  5. *tears* OH sweetie, my heart aches so for your family, for Ena, and for all this. I don't pretend to understand it anymore than you do, only I DO know that God must have something in mind, if only to stretch your/her/our faith. My love and my prayers are with you, always and all the time I think of you all and pray for the strength to make it another day. Love you SO MUCH! Just keep trusting in the Lord and hang in there and He'll see you through! {{{{Hugs}}}}

    ~Rachel~

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  6. Awwww Arielle, I'll be praying for you guys daily from now on!!! That has gotta be sooo hard! I love you!!!!!

    Love,
    Manda
    http://meandjesus-amanda.blogspot.com

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  7. Praying for you... love you both so much!

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