9.10.12

Thoughts on Marriage {30 Day Challenge}

Today's challenge is something a little different, thoughts on marriage. I'm going to take a very general approach and just share some thoughts that come to my mind when thinking on the subject. I've only been married for a little over a year, so don't expect a wellspring of advice. :-) I'm still so young and have so much to learn, but here are some small things I've learned (or am learning!) thus far.
Men are NOT all the same. 
Just how I think all of us women would agree that we're all a little different from each other, and that stereotypes won't always apply to us...Men are the same. For the longest time I'd get super frustrated whenever my husband acted opposite of what I expected. Thanks to all of the stereotypes in my head from modern day culture. Once I accepted the fact that he is his own man and is going to behave and act according to his own unique personality....things went a lot smoother. For example:
My assumption: My husband wants me in charge of the kitchen + all house chores.
Truth: My husband loves cooking (way more than I do!) and cleaning the house relaxes him.
End result: We share cooking + cleaning responsibilities. I still try to take the bulk of it because I have more spare time than he does, but I've learned to sit back and let him take charge of the house when he wants.

Be careful with your words.
Words can be incredibly powerful. They can lift people up, or tear them down. Words can really hurt feelings, and yes, men get their feelings hurt to! I am naturally a pretty sarcastic person, I think it just runs in my family. :)  I never realized how much it drove my husband crazy until he mentioned it to me one day. So I learned (and still am learning...) to watch what came out of my mouth and to think before I speak. There is nothing wrong with trying to speak like a lady and being respectful + kind with your words.

Don't be selfish/Put him first.
Subconsciously I think we're all a little selfish. Sometimes we don't even realize it's even happening. It used to ruin my day if I had something planned in advance, and then my husband got home and for some reason I had to change those plans. I'd pout, sulk, and a few times I even remember crying! Eventually I realized that in reality I was just being a baby about it and that I needed to grow up and think of others (in particular my husband) before myself. Let him relax and watch football. Make him a cup of coffee before I sit down to enjoy mine. Understand that he is going to have bad days and plans will sometimes change. Have a good attitude when he wants to do something different than originally planned. A big part of love is simply putting others before yourself.

Don't forget to take time for yourself.
This goes along with the point above. As much as you need to put him first, it's important to take care of yourself too. Not only physically, but emotionally. It's good to do the things you love, and to take time to enjoy life every day. So take those spare moments to finish the book you've been reading, go out shopping with some girlfriends or grab some coffee together, continue doing the hobbies you did prior to marriage, and don't be shy to take time out to learn something new! Life doesn't stop after marriage, so don't stop living.

Communicate.
A lot. About everything. Clearly. The majority of my husband and I's arguments were caused by simple mis-communication. So be honest, speak up when it is needed, try to be clear, and don't forget that in communication...listening is just as important as talking!

Don't have ideals about romance.
Romance is something unique, it's different for everyone in how they express it and how they accept it. Unrealistic ideals {usually} only lead to disappointment and dissatisfaction. No, my husband has never dragged me outside in the pouring rain to dance with me. But he did dance with me last week spontaneously while we were cleaning the barn and 80's music was playing via his iPhone. Not romantic for some, but it charmed my socks off and worked for me. :) I've never really had the desire to dance in the rain anyway! I think it's important to let go of unrealistic or typical ideals when it comes to romance, and simply embrace all the little things your husband does for you in his own romantic way. In return, be unique and romantic in your own way as well. It makes it more meaningful and personal.
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Well I think that's a long enough list...I don't want to bore all the followers out there that don't really care. ^_^  If you are in a relationship or are married, I'd love to hear some thoughts from you as well.

  What have you learned + What advice would you give on this subject?


5 comments:

  1. I am only 15, and thus am not in a relationship or married yet, but you made some wonderful points here! :)

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  2. I've haven't been in a relationship yet so I don't have any experience. Those are good points though. Something to keep in mind for when the time comes.

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  3. Well, I'm only 18-but I enjoyed hearing your thoughts! I think it's good for me (and the other younger readers) to learn from older women and glean wisdom from them. I was thinking about the last one on romance, honestly, I think it's fault lies with movies and books! We read so books with the same underlying romance theme, watch all the movies with the same theme, so thus it must be that way in real life (or not!). So thanks for the insight!
    Natasha
    A Modest Fashion Blog:
    www.natashaatkerson.blogspot.com

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  4. Goodness....I have already had to learn a lot of those things the hard way (and I'm not even married to my love yet!) Such great advice though!

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  5. Marie,

    Since I'm only 18, I'm not dating until I get to college, and I'm certainly not married! - But I really loved reading what you wrote here. It was all definitley stuff I can store away for the future. :) So thanks.

    And I think spontaneously dancing with your hubby is sweet. :) And I wouldn't wanna dance in the rain either. lol

    Love,
    Manda
    http://meandjesus-amanda.blogspot.com

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Hey there! Thank's so much for taking the time to visit my blog. I love hearing feedback from my readers, your comments bring sunshine into my day! Please no anonymous commenters, sign your comment with your name or a nickname so I know who you are! :-) Wishing you a fabulous day, XO, Marie