13.7.12

Gone.


I can't believe he is actually gone. I knew the day would eventually come, I guess I just tried to not think about it. I helped him pack his bags. Made sure he had everything he needed. {what would men do without us? they'd seriously forget everything...!} I wrote him a two page letter and tucked it into his Men's Health magazine....along with little 'i love you' notes in all his pant's pockets. He started his goodbye's. His mom. My parents. We're a tight knit family. I know his presence will be missed by everyone. Then we were off to the airport, a 3 hour drive from our city. I don't know if it is a good thing for me or not, on one hand I'm glad to be next to him for a little bit longer...but on the other hand I just want to say goodbye. I never liked saying goodbye. Usually I make it short and sweet. If I dwelt on every goodbye I've ever had to say, I'd still be stuck in the past. 

I tried to hold the emotion all in, really I did. But I've never been too strong like that, with me I tend to wear it all out on my sleeve. Tears slipped out of my eyes here and there. I saw him try to ignore it. I know he didn't want to see me cry. He didn't want to be leaving me either. I know he is so much stronger than me, but it is moments like this that I look at him and see exactly what I am feeling, reflected in his eyes. He won't let go of my hand, and kisses my fingers often. I know this time apart won't be easy for either of us. Before I know it we've arrived and it is time to say farewell. As hard as I try to not cry, tears are down my face before I even get out of the car. I double check to make sure he has everything he needs to catch his flight, and that's it. There is only one thing left to do. I hugged him tightly and kissed him one more time. Told him he'd see me again soon. I'm so sorry he has to remember me like this, smiling through tears. But he knows me well and I know he understands. 

To be honest, I feel like a total baby. He isn't going away to war. He isn't going away forever. It's a job. He will be perfectly safe. He will be home in 6 months and I'm taking a trip to London to see him soon. I'm so thankful that my family is close by, not everyone has that privilege. I'm grateful for them taking me {back! lol!} in and letting me stay here with them. I'm going to be okay. Everything will be fine.

But as often as I run those lines through my head every day, I still miss him so much. We've never been apart for longer than a few days and it so foreign to not have him next to me. I'm so used to his habits and our life together. It is definitely going to take some time to get used to things being different. So forgive me if I am a little hit and miss this week on the blog, I've been so busy that I've really just been using my spare time to rest and relax. I'm trying to be careful and stay cheerful for the sake of the baby. She needs me right now and I need to be strong. I'm sure I'll get back into the swing of things soon, until then, thanks for understanding. I have some of the best followers out there. You guys are so sweet and each comment brings sunshine into my day. :-) Thanks for being there and being such a sweet support, it means a lot to me!
With all of my love,
Marie







4 comments:

  1. Praying you you and your husband. My brother lives across the country and it's so hard to say goodbye when they come home for a visit. I know that saying goodbye to a brother is no way near as hard as saying it to a husband, but all goodbyes are hard when its someone you love dearly and you won't get to see them for a while. praying you'll make it through as painlessly as possible.

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  2. I'm praying for you too, Marie! I hope your husband has a safe trip. It must be super hard for him to leave! (I know it was hard when my dad left for a 3 day trip to MI - and that wasn't even close to six months!) But, just know we're praying for you both (actually, the complete trio. :-)

    God bless you guys!!!

    Anastasia

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  3. I'll be praying for you! I hope your time apart flies by quickly!

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  4. Awww Marie, I will be praying for you!! I didn't get to read this post until just tonight. Life's been busy and stuff, but I will deffo keep you, your li'l baby, and your hubby in my prayers.

    Love ya lots,
    Manda
    http://meandjesus-amanda.blogspot.com

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Hey there! Thank's so much for taking the time to visit my blog. I love hearing feedback from my readers, your comments bring sunshine into my day! Please no anonymous commenters, sign your comment with your name or a nickname so I know who you are! :-) Wishing you a fabulous day, XO, Marie